Frontline Dispatches: Griffish Isles PM to Send Ewe-Crying Munitions

 Frontline Dispatches: Griffish Isles to Send Ewe-Crying Munitions

In a surprise (and very risky) move, Griffish Prime Minster Birdhorse Johnson has visited the unincorporated Equestrian shepherd town of Ewe-Crying. The PM has pledged 120 armored vehicles and anti-airship systems, and over ß100 million worth of military equipment.

The PM has hailed this as a triumph. However, he has gained flack in recent days, comparing the struggle to his own country's Eggsit Referendum – the country's ongoing feud over employing foreign au pairs who are not griffins to take care of unhatched children. More details after the jump.

 

Cameras were not allowed, so we had to make do with this artist's impression.

In a move by the PM that many of the Griffish tabloids have deemed suicidal, perhaps a reflection of their own attitudes to censorship laws (cut this out or we'll lose our partnership with the Daily Starling, Ed) perhaps a reflection of his own economic policies, he made a surprise visit today to see Mayor Cheese Sandwich (birth name Chas Sandwichskyy) to discuss the situation further.

Mayor Sandwich thanked Birdhorse, but emphasized that Canterlot and the Western Equestrian provinces must increase their sanctions against Mares' Co, who are currently relocating their armed security teams East, away from Cave (the central business district). They are being moved  to the Don'task neighborhood in the east of the town/province. This is to focus on 'fully liberating' the neighborhood, as part of the 'special operation', as Mares' Co calls it, which they previously implied were non-invasive 'training exercises', until they stopped being exercises.

He also insisted it was time to impose a full embargo on Mares' Co cooking-oil and gas, and increase deliveries of “lethal aid”.

Our reporter asked Birdhorse a couple of questions via satellite, to which he responded with these rather cryptic statements to the delegation of ponies present:

Hasn't it been officially time for an embargo for the past several weeks?

“Well, naturally, we have to respond to this monstrous and barbaric invasion with force as is appropriate, and we need not to escalate things unless, as per the great pegasus philosopher Scootaclees, we do so quill pro quo.”

“We cannot be seen to be escalating things too far, which is why we will be sending over 120 steam-powered armored cars, to help with the fight, because this struggle is very dear to us. Showing our military strength as a freedom-loving, newly independent nation is very dear to us.”

He then jabbed at the microphone switch with one of his fat, grubby claws.

“Hah, not as dear as the profit we would've made off 'em in the latest round of Army and Police cutbacks of course...”

Birdhorse, you do realise the mike is still on, don't you?

Er, oh dear.

You've made much talk about support. Will you be giving Mr Sandwichskyy the No Fly Zone, the support he actually wants?

“Let me ask you something, my little pony: why are you liberal media types suddenly pushing for a global conflict that could kill everyone?”

“So far, amidst the hurly and the burly of this and that, over and under, there has not been police action by Equestria, because of very real concerns that involving the local police outside of Ewe-Crying could see retaliation from Mares' Co security stationed elsewhere. This could involve, eventually, the entire Pony continent.”

“And at any rate, however one looks at it, whether from under the crossbeam or out askew on the treadle,” and here he winked as if to say he was making a clever reference to something, “part of policing is community diplomacy. So, we are not a bunch of lazy, protoplasmic, supine jellies, just because we don't immediately get the guns out.”

“As Mr Sandwichskyy said, the Griffish Isles look to play an important part in any peace negotiations, and we are part of an international community. So we shall approach this like policemen. For we are the modern civilian police force's creators; the first inventors; the parrotos heuretes.”

Is that classical lingo actually correct? I thought his name wasn't Scootaclees but Fetlockrates?

"Erm, okay, next reporter, please?"

Our reporter has deemed that Mr Johnson will be a successful negotiator who pacifies any and all parties, if the room full of now-sleeping ponies was anything to go by.