Frontline Dispatches from Last 24 Hours: Invasion Confirmed

Frontline Dispatches from Last 24 Hours: Invasion Confirmed

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This morning at 5:55 am, a Trips which will live in infamy, a border dispute between two neighbouring communities has spiralled into all-out war, sparking outrage across all of Equestria. Famed geologist and research leader, Maud Pie, has declared war on the nearby factory owned and run by joke manufacturer and stand-up comedian Cheese Sandwich. At this time, she has accused her soon-to-be brother in law of violating her security, and for complex reasons declared herself 'Vladdy Maud Pie Tin'. 

At 5:55 am, Vladdy Maud Pie Tin was seen leading armored cars from her research commune, Mares' Co, toward Mr Sandwich's Amusements Factory and his Comedy College, the University of Laughing (U Laughin'). The objective is to take the entire surrounding sheep farming town, on the Crying River known for its immense population of wild sheep that can be heard for miles around, called Ewe Crying. 

Her demands were simple. In a press release, she stated 'Demands are simble. Da. First, you will gib clay. Clay dat borders Mares' Co, because your factory is too close to Mares' Co, da. And also clay mine underneath. It iz take clay on Mares' Co land that we needs for testing and refinement. Szhecondly, you vill have total demilitarization and Un-Naughtyfication of entire Ewe Crying. As such I have ask board of governors at Mares' Co to authorize special operations in border neighborhoods.' 

Cheese Sandwich, leader and comedian, has stated 'how can you seriously think my country is full of Naughties? My mother's birth line makes me a Jewnicorn!' 

She continued 'There iz no attempt to occupy entire Ewe Crying' she said, as her young armed students proceeded to cross the border into the entire Ewe Crying from the North, East and South, including the Crymea River. 'Iz just to provide peacekeeping to workers militia in border neighbourhood.' Troops have so far achieved their initial objective of occupying the clay mine used to produce Cheese Sandwich's line of plastic dog doo, and other buildings in the bordering region of the campus. This is known as Don'task, so-called because it is used to produce sex toys and other plastic products of a personal adult nature. 

 

Ms Pie is claiming the clay is stolen, forcing them to switch to precious metals in their line of cookware. This includes a line of pie tins, prompting Maud's name change. 'Just little joke, da? Vell, you no laugh. Iz all we can do, now that rest of Equestria no leesten to demands about security concerns, and Canterlot Council too close to border. So ve expand into zis town, move our borders even closer. Dis logical, ja.' 

When asked about how this might pan out, she stated 'Iz no problem. Ponies in town will love it. Please ignore fake news dat hundreds of ponies have been protesting and arrested. Dis is total logical move, not a stoopid and risky ploy dat I wish to use to expand even further after, honest.' 

'We have also captured old defunct pressure cooker reactor used to refine plastic vapors into fart spray, one too toxic for release, covered up by big concrete dome. You know, Churn'n'Boil. Nothink can go wrong with boolits flying about here. I am very smart. Smart like you who seat here and crack jokes about confleect.' 

When asked if it would lead to needless bloodshed, she stated 'No. All necessary. For tiny patch of land run by comedian. Not waste of lives.' 

Currently Ewe Crying's game wardens and campus security are fighting back with pie cannons and glitter bombs airdropped by Wonderbolts on the orders of Maud's sister Pinkamena. Resistance is staunch. 

When asked if it was really necessary for Maud to pick a fight with her close sibling, Maud had no further comment. 

This reporter hopes this ends soon. For everypony's sake.