Utah Declares Porn "A Health Risk" - Utah Anons move to Save their Waifus

Sales of Anti-Masturbation Crosses skyrocketed after the announcement.
UTAH -- In a move that shocked the nation, Utah State Senator Todd Weiler (R) introduced a resolution on 15. April, that he claims "recognizes the need for education, prevention, research, and a change of policy on both societal and communal level that addresses the pornography epidemic that is harming Utah and the nation."



The response thereof has so far been a resounding negative one, with many Anons who live in Utah wondering just how they're ever going to come inside Rainbow Dash. Other have decided to take up their own crosses and rebel to what they describe as "religious mandated tyranny."


"They're not going to stop me from fapping to my waifu!" declared one Anon. "When I touch myself to the thought of penetrating deep in-- hold on a sec guys, someone's banging loudly at the door."
Strangely, we were unable to obtain any further comment from him, though our microphones were able to pick up the sound of what seemed to be incoherent yelling and loud banging noises.

"I'm being mocked by the media about this, but it's a serious issue, porn is a health risk! And it has nothing to do with my wife leaving me for Chad McThundercock, or me feeling guilty about playing with my Devil's Flute to videos on Brazzers afterward and wanting to repent," proclaimed Weiler.

While many are concerned with the ever increasing overreach powers of Utah state and the Mormon majority, other Anons have pledged to send emergency Clop Packages to those victims stranded in the state of Utah, so they can hold out a little bit longer.
Posted Wednesday, 20 April 2016 at 4:54 pm
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