The Swiss Attempt to Bring Back the Centaurs

We just received word from a German Swiss source, and another, that some of those crazy mountain Jews have taken the words of Adult Swim a bit too seriously, and are attempting to bring back the Centaurs by having their way with horses.

According to Andreas Rüttimann, "der rechtswissenschaftliche Mitarbeiter der Stiftung für das Tier im Recht," roughly translated to an associate working for the Foundation of Animals in Law, aka an animal rights activist, that there has been a significant increase in people getting down and dirty with their horses. In 2014, there have been about 105 reported cases of sexual contact with horses alone, with a whopping total of 1,709 incidents against all animals in that year, in comparison to 2013, where they had 1,542 total reported incidents.

They speculate that the true numbers may be higher because of unreported cases. Since 2008, sexual contact with animals was not exactly illegal in Switzerland, from a legal standpoint. According to Rüttimann's report, "Compared with the other reports of animal mistreatment, we have found that the reports against horses were a bit higher in comparison with the other animals, roughly a 4.7% higher difference."

Because of the high equestrian activity in the country, they believe those living there are more likely to commit zoophilia. "Polls in professional literature indicate, that horses are beloved animals for Zoophiliacs," says Rüttimann.

Speaking with Liebe Pferden, founder of the "Die Grundlage für das Zurückkehren der Kentauren; abk. GZK" - "The Foundation for the Return of the Centaurs" group had this to say, "Centaurs are mythical creatures whose existence has drastically dwindled down to such low levels, that when someone claims to see one, they are written off as crazy, or delusional. This must change, and we are the catalyst, and we have what it takes. Thanks to our work, within a few decades we will see the return of this magnificent Equestrian society. It is our goal, that one day humans, horses, and centaurs will live in harmony with one another. And we will have lasting peace."