Horse News: Town Comes Together to Save Miniature Horse

Indiana is one of the nation's premier flyover states, boasting miles upon miles of corn and the occasional car race.

What could be better than drunk rednecks and loud noises?

But today, Brown County simultaneously restored hope that my home state can be redeemed and saved an important life in the process.

Smokey Joe, a five-year-old dwarf pony (yes, it's a little pony, let's get that one out of our systems) was enjoying a casual Thursday night of doing horse things. Joe found himself hankerin' for a swim after a long day of running and eating hay and fulfilling the sexual desires of the family that owns him. Following in the footsteps of fellow Indiana legend Pat McAfee, Joe decided to go for a swim in a local icy river (hey, do you really expect someone named "Smokey" to make good life choices?).

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Brandy Russell, the pony's owner, credits her children for calling 911 being the first respondents to the scene with rope and shovels. The fire department, with the help of various volunteers, took a small boat out to the pony and used various items to get him back to shore.

Artist's depiction of the scene

Smokey emerged just fine and passed veterinary examination. The family is grateful that their pony is alive and thanks the community for coming together to save the life of an animal we all cherish very deeply.

Sources have quoted Russell as saying "Hot damn, I sure hope that giant horsecock of his still works!" upon first hearing of the rescue.