Poppin' Pinkie Pie's Pink Pony... Cake?

You know, when I see the word "Poppin'" in the item name and the first line in the description starts with "Nothing gets Pinkie Pie more excited than...", I start building some pretty high expectations for Hasbro's next release in their long line of MLP-related games.

Dirty bulking

And, as usual, those bastards leave us disappointed and blue-balled.

But hey, if you've ever thought of being the one to pop Pinkie Pie, this is probably the closest you are going to get. Unless, of course, you're into inflatable sex dolls from China. Which, according to our statistics, a lot of you are.

Ladies and gentlemen, HN's main audience

Anyways, as I said before, this game looks so promising at first glance. If you just skim the Amazon page as I did and don't pay too much attention to the words, you'll find yourself wondering why the hell a children-friendly company like Hasbro would make a game like this and, more importantly, why they'd choose such a shit-tier pone as the headliner (apart from the fact that it sets up some great consonance).

Oh, I bet there is... :^)

Oh, I see. You dicks.

Oh, like anyone would consider something like that. R-right?

But eventually, once you stop making jokes that a 12-year-old would (huh huh, they said "choking hazard"), you become interested enough to actually read the descriptions and full title of the product. And that's when you discover that you're not popping what you thought you were and that this is actually the "My Little Pony Poppin' Pinkie Pie Game Game."

No, that wasn't a typo...

 But hey, they didn't say what we were poppin', now did they? There's still plenty of ambiguity here! Maybe Hasbro has finally realized that people only watch their dumb cartoon to masturbate! Maybe...

Maybe we should read on and find that the only poppin' going on here is that Pinkie Pie pops out of the cake when you win.

From the brief description given in the Amazon listing, it seems like the entire game is just players taking turns putting toy balloons on a toy cake until Pinkie Pie pops out of the cake. Whichever player's turn it was when Pinkie emerges is declared the winner and is chosen to represent Earth in the 87th annual Intergalactic Board Games Competition. As this description is very vague, our Art Department was kind enough to provide us with a detailed diagram on how to play and win this game:

If you are interested in purchasing this game (you know, for your whatever young female family member you use as an excuse to buy merch), you can purchase it starting Currently Unavailable. But if you're looking for some kind of interactive sexual experience, this is not the game you're looking for.

Unless you want to think of Pinkie Pie popping out from the cake as a stripper thing...