Florida Horsefucker Arrested, Nobody Surprised

        In what can only be described as the caper of the century, a Florida man has been locked up for the simple crime of making loving to his waifu. How did this travesty come to fruition? Find out after the break.

        Our fellow in question, Sean Johnson, entered a Wal-Mart, before high-tailing it to the stuffed animals sections. As of this moment, we aren't sure which pony he picked, but I assume it's Twilight Sparkle, because he looks like a typical plebeian.

        Staff then noticed he was "acting suspiciously", which I have come to interpret as passionately making out with his four-hoofed lady friend in the aisle.

        Deciding that merely macking on his stuffed friend with benefits wasn't enough, he absconded to the bedding section of the store, before throwing his purple plotted waifu onto the bed.

An artist recreation of the visit to the bedding department

         In what can only be described as the most torrid love affair ever witnessed outside of the bathroom at a Wal-Mart, the perpetrator returned his beloved Sparkle Butt to her shelf, with a quiet promise to visit her again

        Soon after, the horse fag ran away from the store, probably because by this point security was hot on his heels. Those who witnessed his escape claimed that he professed undying love to Twilight as he fled the scene, tears streaming down his face. One witness was so moved, he proposed to his girlfriend on the spot.

        However, Sean was caught later that day, and proclaimed that he did indeed love his waifu, and was immediately jailed for having terrible taste in ponies, and is expected to soon be in court.