Drama Drought hits state of Clopperfornia, Gallopagos Island residents fear worst

The effects of Hiatus fever have become so deeply rooted in the HN staff that we've begun to forget what being in-season even feels like. While the hiatus has been rolling along for months now, the worst thing imaginable has happened. As if out of some miracle, not only is hiatus in full-swing, but the fandom is actually...behaving. 

Officials have declared that we are witnessing the signs of one of the worst Drama Droughts in human memory, and the Old Clopper's Almanac is not expecting a shitstorm anytime soon.

This has driven some to drastic measures.

Brony Tear Resevoir, Tuesday morning

Nearby fandom-states including the Dr. Who fans and the Serious Gamers have each been witnessing record shitstorms for the last few weeks. A Dr. Who convention with over 35 show guests was forced to cancel less than a day before the opening ceremonies, and the vidya fans of course have been subject to...the QUINNSPIRACY.

Each of these shitstorms have saturated their respective regions with record amounts of awful. But what about us in the Pony fandom, the single most drama-laden group outside of tumblr? Experts say "not a drop to be found". Drama drought has swept across the region, leaving brony-year reservoirs at record-setting lows. Fandom areas of /mlp/, reddit, twitter, and even tumblr are experiencing energy and content shortages, due to the lack of power usually produced by the hydro-electric tear-dams.

"Even Purple Tinker is acting calm and rational, and that's how you KNOW things are bad" said one expert in a very official-looking uniform and a hard-hat. "We haven't seen peace like this since before Derpygate!"

Even Equestria Girls, a perennial source of seasonal tear-falls has failed to produce any considerable shitstorms, even with a sequel premier looming ever closer as the Summer draws to a close. Terrorist-organization Cobra Hasbro has been attempting to create storms with their weather dominator Sneak Peek clips, even releasing a new one recently, to responses that are uninterested at best.

The Horse News staff, unstable even in good times has been pushed to the brink by the drought, after having several well-run drama-free conventions in recent weeks, that didn't even have the decency to threaten our reporters to keep them entertained.

HN administration has received several reports of staff casualties due to the drama-drought, as reporters have resorted to playing Russian Roulette on company hours to ward off the crippling boredom that accompanies a peaceful, lethargic, apathetic fandom environment.

To prevent further losses, Capper and MLPcritic have supplied the staff with a new toy, that instead of firing .357 Magnum rounds, fires aged horse semen capsules directly into the backs of the users throats (the staff is calling this the #CumBucketChallenge). They fear that this diversion will only buy the staff a limited amount of time, as they will run out of canisters long before the Drama-drought ends.

In these times of drama-scarcity, officials are asking residents of Clopperfornia and Gallopagos Island to use their common decency sparingly, to avoid avoiding confrontation, and to fling childish insults at each other as often as possible.