"The Rise of the Brony and the Death of the American Man"

Smigglypuff told me to put a mouthpiece here, and by god I did.

Ever since the first guy stood up and said, "Yeah, I watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and I like it", there has been a sweating neckbeard waiting to denounce them, in a vain attempt to boost a self-esteem that is as low as their man tits. That is exactly what has happened in a new article, "The Rise of the Brony and the Death of the American Man". The article makes bronies seem like a plague of the flawless society that is America. Well, not all of us are like that.

The article can be found here, but be warned. This article was written by a macho man, who eats danger and shits explosions, so he clearly has the authority to speak on this topic.

Behold, the "juvenilized male". Oh, the horror.

According to the author, (Phil Elmore) this little shit pimp increased awareness that American male adults are becoming more "juvenilized". Apparently, we're all becoming more lackadaisical and childlike because we all live at home and leech off mom and pop. Pajama Kid didn't start the trend, but brought attention to it. Because the first thought anyone thinks when they see this kid is, "Oh, look at that. The juvenilization of adult males. We're right proper fucked now." Elmore then goes on to say "Pajama Kid and his ilk". What, are there more kids in pajamas? How horrifying. Also, his term "greater mass of cultural foolishness" = "stop liking things that I don't like or agree with".

"The nucleus of the cancer is found in the “brony” phenomenon (and movements like it). The reason it is a problem is because it facilitates the deconstruction of necessary social gender roles.  Stated another way, there are (or were) social rules for how men and women are to behave.  When men adhere to these rules, when they conduct themselves according to these social guidelines, they enjoy more success overall.  They appear and behave as if they are worthy of respect, of treatment as adult men, of female attention, of reproduction and families."

"...enjoy more success overall."

Isn't it a little harsh to call an entire fandom cancer? We all know there are some bad seeds out there, but that doesn't mean the entire crop is spoiled. And societal gender roles? They're slowly deconstructing themselves as time goes on. Things change, and this includes our views on how things should be. What the author is essentially saying in this paragraph is that a group like the bronies can't function in society because they don't follow "social rules". Just because they don't fit Elmore's definition of societal rules, doesn't mean they don't know how to behave and act in public. I can't recall the last time a brony made the news for not following such guidelines and being a public nuisance. Maybe because it's never happened.

"What characterizes children? They are impulsive.  They are irresponsible.  They break the rules and then try to avoid the consequences for their misbehavior. Left to their own devices, they will not be productive."

Zero productivity/responsibility here folks.

Yeah. I'll just let that last line speak for itself. Those military bronies sure aren't productive. I bet they run amok on base all day long. And they're probably too scared to even hold a gun. Jesus, how did they even get through basic training? This is just flat out disrespectful to those serving. Even if you don't agree with their purpose, it still takes balls to do what they do. And let's not forget the artists, the musicians, the animators, the writers, and movers and shakers who've made our fandom what it is today. The author has clearly done no research or fact checking on us. 

"What characterizes a functional adult and, in this specific case, an adult male (a man)?  A man takes responsibility for himself, his well-being, and his sustenance. "

"He engages in productive work to his own benefit and in support of his family (if he chooses to start one). "

Elmore continues his attack by stating we don't know how to understand "personal honor", and that bronies cannot defend themselves in confrontation. Yes. All men must be ready to fight and kick the shit out of another guy just because how dare that man be a man around your manliness. According to him, if you don't take pride in your possessions and the upkeep of them, then you aren't worthy enough of a female. Sounds like someone's got a bit of Elliot Rodger's jealousy. He claims that these are "readily observable as cultural facts". Because everyone lives with this closed of a mind. Bronies are a "cultural blight growing within contemporary culture." Again with the culture bashing. Methinks someone gets rejected too often on online dating sites. 

" “Pajama Boy” is a waypost on that highway to pussified male hell.  The fast lane on that route to juvenile waste could be no better represented than by the “brony” phenomenon. "

Holy shit. If Pajama Boy is a waypost and we're the fast lane, then I'm certain that hell truly is Equestria. There's worse things out there with a bigger impact on American culture than bronies, but we're the reason guys are headed towards a "pussified male hell". Anything else this guy's got on us? We've clearly been bested at this point.

"The brony and countless other related indulgences—”furries” again spring readily to mind—represent the arrested development, the derailed maturation, of the American male.  A male who embraces childish things, who cannot adopt adult dress and behavior, is telling you he is not ready or able to accept adult responsibilities.  A population comprising such incapable, weak-minded man-babies would collapse in short order.  As our own culture sags under the weight of these useless Pajama Boys, it is no wonder, then, that our own foundations are beginning to show serious cracks. The brony and his ilk are the horsemen of an adult apocalypse.  The brony’s rise presages the extinction of the rational, responsible, grown-up men who once formed the backbone of our society."

I'm willing to forgive being grouped in with furries yet again for that pun. He really hammers home that he does not care for manbabbies like us, who've been arrested developmentally and derailed maturely, all thanks to tiny colorful happy equines. Civilization as we know it is crumbling all around us, because some guys decided to watch My Little Pony. I think it's time we meet the man who heralds the doom of the manly man, the authority to speak on such a delicate subject.

CRITICAL EUPHORIA

It's all so clear now. Makes sense that such a butthurt article would come from a fedora-wearing, pocketknife flashing neckbeard. Looking through the comments on the site where the article was posted, I think this one commenter sums up our thoughts.

#rekt

*In other news, I'm back to writing articles because I want to and not just to save my ass, I swear.