Starting a HorseCon: a How-to guide

Starting a pony convention may seem like a daunting task, but it really isn't. Just ask the dozens of con organizers who throw things together at the last minute, and sleep soundly every night on beds of brony shekels all year round. In fact it's so easy that any schmuck with a twitter and an OC can do it. Unlike certain hypocrites, Horse-News does NOT think there are "too many pony conventions" and have rounded up #professional advice on how to make your very own con run smoothly, and enjoyably for everyone.

• So the first thing you want to do is make sure you spend every last bit of the money on whatever. Then on the second day of the convention, have staff go around and collect money to keep the convention going or else the hotel will kick them out. It sparks real friendship. Total morale booster.
• Also, make sure you get FinalDraft to do EVERY panel and give him a spot at the autograph table to sign stuff for fans.
• Charging for concerts in excess of $100 is the best way of getting people to enjoy music better as it now has a value on their lives.
• Hire Horse News to do your Public Relations
• Remember to keep all announcements of guests, events, and anything of interest as close to Day 0 as possible to maintain suspense!
• Give every convention goer a vuvuzela.
• Place a bowl of condoms in the lobby, or if your venue does not have a lobby, as close to the kid's facepainting table as possible.
• Replace all the nice chairs in the main convention halls that the hotel provides with bundles of hay.
• Make sure to place the staff-feed in a convenient location; such as the roof of the parking garage.
• Switch all available coffee supplies for your staff with Decaf.
• Playfully reference your genitals during both opening and closing ceremonies.
• Embezzle all money from your charity auction while informing your attendee's that 100% of proceeds go to the con charity. It'll be useful for paying off your outstanding debts and treating yourself to that new Lyra plush that everyone's been talking about.
• While some staff may have the intellect of plants, they do need more than water provided for them. Nutrient sticks are a cheap easy way to keep them thriving! Spraying pesticide on convention staff keeps them bug free and happy during the day. Your attendees will NOT require sustenance however, make sure that there are exactly 0 dining options in the immediate area.
• A trough of oats in the con suite should keep your attendees coats looking healthy for the weekend.
• Keep a steady supply of salt licks on hand and easily accessible within every panel room. Be sure to leave one for every panelist too.
• Streaming costs like, a million dollars a day. Hire only the best #professionals to do it.
• Don't use contracts when making arrangements with third parties. They're boring and take alot of time to draft, proof and review. Contracts are for untrustworthy people. You're a trustworthy guy, right? Who needs em.
• You can trust the hotel to work in your best interests. They're here to help make your convention the best it can be!
• Convention shirts are an afterthought. Nobody wants to cover their filthy body with your convention name. Don't waste your time. Convention books are passé- schedules written on giant sheets of construction paper with colorful markers get the job done
•  Tell your attendees "We know that the website only states a maximum 4 people to a room. You can easily put that in double digits and nobody will care! Heck! Why get a room? Sleep on the con floor!"
• Remember that female bronies don't exist. Neither do any MLP fans of G1-G3 and no children. Any of these groups are merely hipsters trying to prove themselves as important by attaching themselves to a strange sub culture.
• Any parents with children there have NOTHING to do with MLP. *You* are the demographic, not them. They're just there to harsh your pony mellow and you should be as rude to them as possible.
• Prepare a selection of panel topics for VIPs that has original, well-thought-out questions that have never been asked before. Then throw it away and ask VA's what their favorite episode is, and allow audience members to ask questions about animation to writers and vice versa.
• Agents are perfectly happy to accept payment for their talent's appearance at your con after the fact, and by 2nd-party check. Also, remember to ensure that they're doing something for your con every hour of every day! They're going to be on way too much of a high from meeting and greeting every single fan that they certainly don't need time for silly things like breaks, food, and CERTAINLY not leaving the venue to see anything of the town they're in.
• In fact, why bother the agents? They're busy people! Get the show staff's personal emails, Skypes, and phone numbers and just talk to them directly. Be sure to tell them about the idea you had for a Jell-O™ wrestling tournament.
• Log on to 4chan in the weeks and months prior to the convention and antagonize its userbase. Be sure to tell them that they "aren't real fans". This is sure to elicit a positive response.
• Cosplay is always fun but make it interesting! Why cosplay are Pinkie when you can be murderous knife wielding Pinkamena? How about Fall Out Equestria complete with your self insertionist OC. Rarity cosplay is made all the better as sexy Rarity cosplay. And remember, that family is only shielding the eyes of their chall children lest they all be struck with carnal lust for your functional and anatomical Milky Way bodysuit
• Don't forget about diversity! Panels about griffons, dragons, minotaurs, and other creatures are great, and everyone loves a cloaca.
• Nobody likes a "Line-Con", so dispense with lines entirely. A scrum of bronies takes up much less space and will relieve pressure on your venue.
• If there is already a convention in your local area, relax, there is no reason it can't support several similar conventions, even within just a few weeks of each other!
• Tara Strong LOVES eggplants! Serve them to her for every meal.
• Conversely MA Larson hates eating all together. Offer him hotwings, but promptly take them from him and eat them yourself (photo above).
• Make sure your panelists are all deep personal friends/sycophants of the guests. Awkward snarfles into the microphone and anecdotes about that funny joke they shared over Skype endear the panelist to the crowd.
• Don't bother testing your microphones or public address equipment, no con has ever had technical issues during panels.
• If you discover that your venue's wifi connection is actually adequate to accommodate your crowd, you have chosen the wrong venue. 
• One of the best things at conventions is room parties. Free alcohol is just around the corner and as a responsible human being you should not let any of it go bad. Drink up! You obviously brought no money for food so you need to make up those calories somehow. So what if you woke up naked in a stairwell with a rash(?) and covered in your own(?) filth. Nobody has ever been hurt by partying too much (Disclaimer: Do not research this).
• Start drinking as early as possible to loosen your inhibitions. Being in a crowd is scary, and the more gregarious you become, the more people will love you. Be sure to quip with panelists from the audience, and remember that you're  going to have to project for people to hear you. Everyone will be edified by what you have to contribute. ESPECIALLY if you're under 21.
• Make sure you get r34 of your mascot done right away. Sexy cartoon horses really bring in the families.
• Panels about Clopfics are always among the most popular at every con and are beloved by all attendees and guests! Make it a live-reading and invite Josh Haber to the panel. It'll be the place to be on Saturday night!
• The best perk of throwing a con is being able to spend all your time in the Green Room hanging with all the Guests of Honor. They already love you for booking them, so they'll only appreciate having you around in their down-time. Bring them things to sign for your friends for free!
• Give con security shit. They're just like cops! They tell you not to sit on the stairwell? That's them just oppressing your first amendment rights of assembly! Tell you to stop yelling about First Amendment rights that don't exist and further don't apply to private functions? Tell that pig whose boss! What are they going to do, actually call the cops on you?
• Remember that for three blissful days the hotel is your home. Walk around barefoot, move the furniture to your liking, steal chairs and set them in the hallway, and then whine on social media with any problems be it the stairwell is to small to the folding tables being too sharp!
• Get into fist fights over favorite pony. Only dickwads think Fluttershy is the best. Teach em!
• Make sure you include 18+ artist panels. Hasbro doesn't mind and hey, you can enlighten your attendees about the wonder of equine genitalia.
• Encourage your attendees to bring live-steel blades and non-replica firearms with them to the convention, because their chances at winning the $16 cosplay-contest grand prize DVD rides on the authenticity of their wardrobe.

• Be sure to outright bash all fellow cons in your press interviews, seriously, fuck those guys.
• Also, passive-aggressive tweets against other cons will always make you a welcome part of the community, and not a massive tool.
• Remember that planning a con takes time. You should do your first walk through of the hotel at least 3 weeks before the convention.
• If you aren't making your own con, join the staff of another, get a badge, and then never do an ounce of work during the convention. You just saved yourself $40, you have full access for the entirety of the convention, and none will be the wiser as nobody will remember 'whats his name that was supposed to be at registration all weekend'. Afterwards, you'll be able to use it on your con résumé to "staff" MOAR pony cons. You just beat the system.
• One must engage all 5 senses to properly take part in the con experience. Also, since Friendship is Magic™, everyone's going to be OK with random hugs and other touching. Personal space? WHAT personal space? We're all bronies here.

…and remember, the fans are their to see your horse-famous moderators and panelists just as much as they are to see the Guests of Honor. We're all a tight-knit and loving community after all, and all know and love one another.

And that's all the tips we have for this edition of "HorseCon How-to. Presented by The Quibbler Horse-News"