Remember way back in February when the annual Toy Fair was held in New York? You know, with that whole Adagio Dazzle ordeal?
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"OMG guys, is this Vinyl Scratch?"
-The fandom |
Despite your best efforts to forget, that merchandise is still relevant. But for those of you who actually managed to purge some of these abominations from your mind, have a quick picture recap (courtesy of
http://mlpmerch.blogspot.nl/2014/02/MLP-Toy-Fair-2014-Coverage.html):
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| Luna x Twilight confirmed? |
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| 2edgy4me |
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| Friendly reminder :^) |
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| Dash x Rarity confirmed? |
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| Rainbow Kingdom (aka Twilight's Castle) playset |
But one of the less-negatively-received toy images from the release involved Queen Chrysalis adorned in socks and a brushable figure of Photo Finish. Earlier today, we learned that Taobao has released more detailed images of one of these figurines.
...No, not Cheeselegs. Sorry, fellas, but you'll have to wait a while longer to see if your dicks are, in fact, small enough to fit through her leg holes.
The images, courtesy of
http://mlpmerch.blogspot.nl/2014/04/photo-finish-brushable-better-pictures.html, give us a close-up view of (ironically enough) the smallest figure shown in the original preview picture: The Photo Finish brushable.
For the most part, the toy is show accurate. Except for the fact that in the show her hair is all white and has no black streaks. And that her glasses were all purple and did not have those black lines. And that her cutie mark (in the brief glimpse we had of it) was supposed to be similar to Twilight's and not like a colorized version of something out of the opening credits of a James Bond movie. And that she is always shown wearing clothing in the show. But hey, the main body color is pretty accurate!
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| Eh, close enough, right? |
You may also notice that Taobao is one of them Asian companies and thus has some form of characters overlaying the brushable toy on the image. While most news sources would just not bother translating or, even worse, would just provide some fake translation in hopes that you believe everything you read, we here at Horse News don't like taking the easy way out. And, since I personally took half a semester of Chinese
before failing out, I can verify that the translations are 100% accurate.
On the first image, the one shown above, the characters roughly translate into "HORSE TOY MAKE FOR EASY CLEAN OF LOVE SEED WHEN FINISH." Clearly this is some kind of great new feature that will greatly increase pleasure obtained by the toys' target audience.
The second picture, as you may notice, also contains a number of characters as well as providing a 360-degree view of the brushable. Translations for this toy, according to my expert opinion, say "HORSE TOY MAKE NOT FOR INSERTION INTO ANAL PLEASURE."
Finally, we would like to draw your attention to another recent Taobao release with strange figures and characters: The infamous Alicorn Fluttershy toy.
While we all quickly pray to god that worst pone is never granted these types of powers, let's look at what the expert translator says. In the corner you can see the clearly labeled "22CM" followed by the characters for "HORSE PENIS HORN." Not only is this toy apparently a futa, but a well-endowed one no less! The other two sets of characters, each next to a generic-looking unicorn that has no relationship whatsoever to MLP, can both be roughly translated into "HE WHO DROP WATCH IN TOILET BOUND TO HAVE SHITTY TIME, CONFUCIUS SAY."
The "vigilant reporters" at Horse News will keep our eyes open for further merchandise information as it becomes available.
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