Saturday Synopsis: Three's A Crowd

I see no reason why we can't stop here.

Saturday has arrived, and a new episode along with it. And as usual, I'm taking the time out of my day to not only sit through watching this, but to write a summary especially for you folk. I could be napping right now, you know. 

As of the time of typing this, the best video for the episode is apparently here.



The episode starts in the Twilibrary (a name I came up with just now, donut steel) with Spike fetching the mail like a good dog. Twilight shuffles through her subscription to Boring Old Shit Weekly in search of a letter she seems to be expecting. Finding it, she celebrates in the most dignified manner - By throwing Spike around like a goddamn ragdoll.

To report dragon abuse in your neighbourhood, please call 18-77 ULUV1T

The good word is that Cadence (you know, the other alicorn) is taking some time off ruling an Empire to join the peasantry. A knock-on the door later reveals that Yellowquiet has some good news of her own - Her subscription to Even More Boring Shit Daily. Which has something to do with animals that she has to collect. I don't know, I didn't pay attention, can you blame me? Pinkie follows soon after with even BETTER news - They're selling used patio furniture half-price. So no, Pinkie's not going to be useful in this episode. Or ever.

After the break, they end up at the train station as the rest of the gang gather to see off Fluttershy as she leaves the episode for the plot device. Pinkie, for some reason, decides to run onto the railway tracks after her. Sadly, she isn't mutilated by the oncoming train. Speaking of, do you notice how the Crystal Train comes on the exact same track that Yellowquiet's train left on, coming in the same part they left from? Whoever did the art for this episode had a pretty one-track-mind. Holy shit I'm so funny.

That's right, fuck off you two-bit waste of animation THIEF.

Cadence arrives in the said train (with picture above making a very unwelcome appearance), and the two of them leave to go to Twilight's planned activity - A Starswirl the Bearded exhibit. Man, fuck the rest of the episode, I wanted to see that. But we never get to see, because after they leave, something crashes into the tree behind the remaining four - Applejack, Dash, Rarity and Ponka - to make the episode more interesting. The only reason you wouldn't know who it is would be if you didn't look at the image at the top. You idiot.

I'm blue cerulean da ba dee da ba die ba da ba dee da ba die

Discord is apparently ill with Bluekaemia or something, and begs for the help of the remaining four. Nevermind the fact that he's an omnipotent being sharing the same name as countless other non-corporeal beings on another plane of existence that could get whatever the hell he wanted, he chooses to request it of the others. He quickly rules out Pinkie due to her being an annoying shit and gets rid of her using a shiny red balloon, triggering her A.D.D quite effectively. Dash very subtly rules herself out by getting the fuck out of of there, leaving only cowpony and cowgirlpony, neither of whom look particularly impressed.

Get my Zebra lynchin' rope.

It takes hardly any time at all for Discord to (obviously intentionally) infect the two of them, there two of them sneezing off-screen and not being seen again until the very end of the episode. They were hogging the limelight, anyway. This is Discord country. It cuts to Twilight and Cadence at the exhibit, fangasming over an ordinary fucking candle until Discord inexplicably becomes it. It isn't long before he convinces them to take him back to her place for a good fucking to nurse him back to health. Making himself comfortable, he asks for a "little request", that turns into perhaps the first official John De Lancie song ever made.

Listen here Discord, you fat oaf! I'm not a fucking wizard!

I have a bad feeling about Louise The Singing Harp. I fucking swear, someone is going to make an Ask Tumblr of that character soon. I can feel it in my bones. An ill omen.

After a bit of research, Discord reveals that there IS in fact a cure. Why didn't he mention it earlier? Because the plot demanded it, stupid. The cure apparently consists of a potion brewed from the petals of a flower only found on the outskirts of Equestria. But no, he can't get them there. They have to tow his fat ass all the way to the borders of the country. When they arrive, they find the size of the flower to be a wee bit bigger than first thought... It's the size of a fucking tree. Between the two of them, they yank it out of the ground with magic but HOLY SHIT apparently that flower was the home of a new beastie called a Tatzlwurm.

Actual script: Black tongue tentacle reaches up and grabs Twilight
Tentacle slowly pulls twilight towards creature's mouth

How saucy. There's a short battle scene in which the two of them fry the poor thing's delicate little tentacles before they block off the exit with some handily sized boulders. As they return to Discord, he's not blue CERULEAN any more. It turns out that Discord was being an attention whore the whole time, faking being ill to see if Twilight would literally go to the 'ends of Equestria' to help him out. And he fucking got the attention. It was worth it in the end though, as he rewarded Twilight with this sick golden necklace with the greatest inscription on it.

Ten bucks says this is the new Twilight Scepter.

Twilight laments on the fact that Cadence and her never got to have some quality time together. But Cadence happily informs her of the obligatory "ye this actually made us bond" speech required by the end of every episode, and they hug and shit. Nothing interesting here. As they're preparing to put all the time-wasting behind them, the worm comes back - Discord apparently never having seen it before - at which point the Tatzlwurm... Sneezes on him. And suddenly, Discord is infected. Seriously this time. Maybe with a fatal disease. Not that it matters, because he could literally snap his fingers and be back to health, but sometimes the PLOT FORGETS WHAT YOU CAN DO.

The episode ends with Discord in a little sterile bubble, the mane six gathered around happily telling him that he deserved what he got.

Another week, another episode. It wasn't the episode we probably hoped it would be, what with Discord being "reformed", but anyone with half a mind had to have enjoyed listening to De Lancie's velvet voice caressing their ears... Sifting in and out like Egyptian cotton... Silken ear-mufflers... Now I ain't gay, but you don't have to be with De Lancie. Look at me. Look at me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn't. Look at him and tell me you wouldn't. Wouldn't you? Really, wouldn't you?

[careless whisper in the background]

I didn't think so.

- Grumpy Old Fart