Critic's Review: MandoPony

 With le epic wings. He's 20% cooler XD

MandoPony: Good or Bad? Or autistic? Or any combination of these things? Ignoring any overused jokes that this reporter isn't allowed to speak of or his slightly head shaking activities, is MandoPony's music awful. I subjected myself to over an hour being on the internet to find out and type it up!

Now we all know the MandoPony and the history surrounding him and the fandom, but unlike someone such as FinalDraft who's idiotic actions and mentally disabled mannerisms are the only thing we judge him by, with artists we have to also take their "craft" in to account as well. For instance, a lot of people hate Kanye West's actions and demeanor, but you have to admit his earlier albums are damn well put together and performed. Then there's someone like Courtney Love whose not only a train wreck but an awful singer as well.

It's important that we have to try and treat even the lowly fandom artists in the same way. Yes, even someone with such low standings, on my list and yours, needs to be judged the same way. So, having only really heard one of his songs, I decided to pick out some notable works of his and judge them based on any basis I feel like. Then, I'll sum it up and give you some final thoughts on MandoPony himself. Remember, this will be ignoring any and all factors other than his "talent". That means any covers will not be featured here, because more talented people made those. However, I am going to count duets or other collaborative efforts, because at some point he helped I guess.

Loyalty - by MandoPony and AcousticBrony 
Alright well saying those artists' names together isn't helping it any. Okay, seriously this was almost more disappointing than it was bad. Oh it still wasn't good, don't get me wrong. Honestly though, I though the composition itself didn't start off too bad, the guitars especially were well played to me. In fact the song's overall sound initially helped Mando's very weak voice sound almost decent. That is until about 1:08 where he tries to be Bieber and and ends up sounding like I would singing in to my limited edition Twilight Sparkle hairbrush. After over 6 minutes, it was finally over. Again, it's only saving grace is the guitar work for me, with a decent vocal start up, and after that it falls flatter than my girlfriend's chest. 
4/10; so overrated *tips fedora*

Home (Zecora's Song) - by MandoPony
[insert religious deity here] forgive me, but I don't really hate this song. I don't know what it is about though. The genre of "white guy with acoustic guitar" just seems to fit Mando very well, even though I know I should be pushed away by it. What's better though was that Mando wasn't trying to stretch it and act like a pop star, he kept within his range and ended up pulling it off for the most part. The guitar composition, while simple, was familiar and safe, reminiscent of all those Christian Rock songs that sound exactly the same but you can't help but listen to. Except this one has ponies and zebras. Fuck ya. In fact, I don't even think the lyrics are awful. Oh, they're cliche and over used, but at least aren't as stupid as some of Train's lyrics. So... I guess it's not bad at all really. I'm not downloading it anytime soon, but it's decent to listen to, a good start up for some fandom music. 
6/10; I guess it's not shit

Picture Perfect Pony - by MandoPony and EileMonty
So ASIDE from the great Music Video, this song is the equivalent of ear mutilation to me. The composition, while not legally classified as rape, is at least the equivalent extreme sexual harassment. Annoying, overly repetitive, and just...ugh. The exact same feeling I get from any Pitbull song. The real shame here is EileMonty, who has proven herself to be a great singer, but is being wasted here by playing Photo Finish. It's fun character, but come on, a German accented fashionista whose rapping/singing? No. Just no. And Mando's singing is just fucking unbearable. I was about ready to use my Hasbro Wacky Fun Cyanide Capsule just to escape his unpleasant, off key, whiny voice singing "pony pony pony pony pony..." Now I will say this. His rapping wasn't terrible, in fact he's got decent flow. The lyrics however...well, this guy brought us the line "come on little mare better shake that plot." And he was acting how a rapper would talking about big booty bitches and poppin' molly. Amazing to laugh at and cringe worthy beyond belief. Just like the man behind the mic. 
1/10; ziss muzic izt shit

Let's Get Lost - by MandoPony and EileMonty
Equestria Girls. That's all I needed to know to judge this. Come on EileMonty, you're better than this
2/10; unfit for Satan's colon

Sweet Apple Acres - by MandoPony

Ok. Ok. This one was the toughest for me to judge honestly. On one hand, it involves best pony, it's got a pretty good modern country composition, and his voice actually fits in this range, which is a rarity (no, that wasn't a pun) for MandoPony's songs. However what is strong about it is almost it's weakness. "Hey, let's sing about nothing but a farm and it's apples. Ya, that's fun. Actually more apples. Ya, apples are cool" I admit it, over repetitive lines and themes don't have to be bad, but it's hard to make it good. And the country 'twang' is a bit over used. Atleast it's not Picutre Perfect Pon- OH MY GOD I HATE THAT DAMN SONG SO MUCH...sorry about that. But Sweet Apple Acres does hold itself together very well, I have to give props to Mando on this one.

8/10; It grew on me

Alright, well this review is getting too long so I'll leave you with this. As much as I hate to admit it, not ALL of Mando's songs are horrible. Granted, very few I looked at aren't shit, but if you're willing to search through the heap, you might find a diamond or two. Maybe Mando just needs to step away from the fandom for awhile, try and be good in the few areas of music he has potential in, and see if he can improve at all. And it seems that he is changing! I do want to point out that Mando has recently gained some humility and doesn't bite the hand of /mlp/ as much, which is very smart on his part. It's also because of this that no one seems to care anymore. Overall, he isn't an incredibly impressive musician, but there are these rare moments he unlocks that can cause decent songs. In fact, it might happen again.

And when it does, we'll be there to castrate him for it.


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